Learning to Be Bold

 I was a really shy kid. My OSBFF, Natalie, stood up for me when I didn't know how to use my voice and stand up for myself. Some people took advantage of my shyness in high school, and used it to their benefit. Maybe I hid behind the shyness for awhile too. 

Learning something from my kids always brings me to a place of humility that I didn't realize was possible before becoming a mom. Something that Micah teaches me on a regular basis is how to be bold and step outside of our comfort zones to chase our dreams. He's been one of my biggest cheerleaders through the process of writing and publishing my book. He asks me if I've gotten any feedback and is all smiles when I tell him good reports. He's always been very sensitive and in-tune with other people's feelings, and that's something we have in common. I think we are both HSPs (highly sensitive persons) and that bonds us in a way that I don't connect with others who don't share similar traits.

This week, Micah decided he was going to have a lemonade stand to make money for our upcoming trip to St. George. He gathered all of his supplies, made brownies, cookies and the lemonade himself (the lemonade from scratch - he watched a YouTube video to learn the best way to make it without it being too sweet or too sour and it was so good!). I helped him make signs (nowadays, you can't have a lemonade stand without a Venmo tag because no one has cash anymore!) and he set up shop around 11am in front of our house. He stayed out there for two hours and made almost $40. 

I'm so proud of his entrepreneurial spirit, his drive, his dedication to get tasks done, and most of all, his willingness to step outside of the comfort zone of his home (he doesn't like people all that much to be perfectly honest and prefers 1-on-1 time and not big groups) and follow through on his ideas.

He teaches me to be bold. He teaches me to be proud of my accomplishments and the things I've worked hard for. He teaches me everyday to be a better version of myself. 

No More Hiding

 I was looking through some online photo albums recently and came across a few photos of me hiding. Hiding behind people because I was not comfortable in my own skin. Hiding behind alcohol because it made me bolder, less anxious (or so I thought) and more "fun". Hiding got me nowhere except unhealthy in every way possible - mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. I would purposefully pull a kid in front of me to hide myself. I was physically present, but not really there for so many moments. 

August 2022

November 2022

(April 2022)

I find myself still hiding in photos sometimes, but I guess some of these old habits are hard to break. At least when I look at these pictures, I know that I'm not hiding because my eyes are rimmed with red from drinking the night before. I'm not hiding because I'm anxious and trying to avoid a panic attack because I'm in a social situation and second guessing every move I make. 

I'm not hiding anymore. I've come Out of the Fog, and I'm here to be my most authentic, healthy self. 

                                         July 2023 - still hiding behind my boy, but no shame.  

My book is available for purchase on Amazon now! https://a.co/d/bRnNVdO

                                            

What If Today Was Your Last Day?

 A friend recently introduced me to a podcast called "Last Day." Some of the stories tug at your heart strings, others are so awful you can't imagine what these people endured in their relationships. It got me thinking about something else that we do often in my current organization, which is performance reviews. We look at them through the lens of "what things could you do this quarter to leave the organization better than you found it?"

On that same token, what if today was your last day? Whether it be your last day on earth, your last day at your current job, your last day seeing a loved one...the list goes on. If today was your last day, what would you want to leave behind? How could you make an impact on your place of employment, that person you met in the grocery store, or your kids? 

I've written a lot on this blog about some of the struggles I've had and the pieces of me that are hardest for me to love. Loving myself hasn't come easily, but I feel like I've made huge strides in that department in the last 10 months. Giving up alcohol, chasing dreams I've had since I was a kid, getting my book published, and continuing to find pursuits that bring me purpose and passion have all led to a happier, less chaotic, more authentic life in 2024 than I've ever experienced in the past.

With that authenticity, I know if today was my last day, I'd leave behind my truth, hopefully a lasting impact on my kids and those closest to me, and the message that it's never too late to live an authentic life that you are purposeful and passionate about. 

In getting to this place, I know some of the truths I wrote about in my book will be hard for some people to read. My journey hasn't been easy or free of speedbumps or pain or heartache. Some of that heartache may have been experienced differently by others who were involved. Some may not even know the depth of the hurt that certain experiences created for me. If anyone is upset or hurt by anything they read in Out of the Fog: Breaking Up with Alcohol and Living a Life of Passion and Purpose, I am truly sorry. That is not my intent. My intent is to share my truth, share my journey, and hopefully positively impact someone else's life because my story was shared. 

That's what I want to leave behind if today is my last day.

What would you want people to say if today was your last day with them?