Strong Families & Foster Ministries

I'm so thrilled to be writing for a cause! I recently started assisting El Roi Foster Ministries with their social media content, and was able to share my own story with Strong/Safe Families through Olive Crest and El Roi. I'm thankful for the support of my kids and my parents and my nieces and extended family and friends for their participation in supporting me on this journey. One of our volunteers at El Roi has been a host family with Olive Crest for over a decade. Her family's commitment to offering a safe and stable home environment to kids in need is something near and dear to her heart, and the impact of this ministry on her family has been incredible. From memories of helping a child when his own mom was a former foster youth and had no support system, to giving a one-year-old a home for a few months, to respite care for kids whose parents are struggling to get back on their feet, Olive Crest's Strong Families model has given our volunteer's own kids a new perspective on ways that they can help and make a difference for foster youth and kids in crisis. Some of these kids that are hosted through this program are able to experience things they never would otherwise, like amusement park adventures, trips to the snow, and beach days.  

El Roi exists to support foster families, and also recently was able to share resources from the foster closet with this host family, for a recent visitor to their home. From walkers to clothes to diapers to blankets, El Roi wants to be known as a presence in the Temecula Valley, Riverside County, and San Diego County, making a difference one kid, one family, one home at a time. To learn more about Olive Crest's opportunities to get involved, visit  https://www.olivecrest.org/what-we-do-strong-families/.

Word for 2023

 I've done this before, and it's always been a good reminder to me of what to focus on for the year. I chose GRACE a couple of years ago, and it was a time when I really needed to grant myself grace, and give grace to those that I was having a hard time forgetting. I don't like holding on to old hurts and pain, but I found that I had gotten stuck in this place of not fully forgiving others for the pain they'd caused, and not allowing myself the grace to be messy and not perfect all the time. 

This year, my word is VICTORY. 

Webster defines victory as "achievement of mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties; the overcoming of an enemy or antagonist."

What do I need victory over? Where does my strength come from in this battle? 

I've been thinking really hard over the past couple of days about the ways in which I throw myself in the fire, and then am unhappy when I'm standing there all alone. Case in point, Safe Families and my post a couple of days ago about my sadness and feeling stuck and like the right thing isn't necessarily the right thing for me or my family anymore. I throw myself into the fire, take on all of the responsibilities and weight, and then get made when people around me are not as willing to jump into the fire with me. 

I need victory over my need to fill all of the needs of everyone in my life at all times. I need victory over my anxiety and depression and my emotional wars raging inside of me on a regular basis. I need victory over my health and my weight and my happiness - the true happiness that comes from liking who I am as a person, inside and out. I need victory over self-medicating with all kinds of different tools. Sweets, alcohol, self-harm, ink therapy, anything to numb the pain or emptiness that I've felt since I was 13 years old. I need victory over feeling like I'm not enough. That what I'm doing in my everyday life is not enough. I need victory over feeling less-than-worthy in so many areas of my life. I need victory over my own self-confidence. The list goes on and on....

Which leads to my next question. Where does my strength come from? I have amazing people in my life that do not believe there is a God. They do not believe in something they cannot see or touch or feel. And I still love them, and know that they love me despite our different beliefs. Because I do believe in one true God that rules heaven and earth, the God that loves me and wants me to be the best version of myself and to serve a higher purpose in His glory, for His good. So that is where I will pull my strength from as I focus on ways to be victorious this year. 

What is your word for 2023? 

https://youtu.be/YNd-PbVhnvA: Elevation Worship

The weapon may be formed But it won't prosper When the darkness falls, it won't prevail 'Cause the God I serve knows only how to triumph My God will never fail Oh, my God will never fail I'm gonna see a victory I'm gonna see a victory For the battle belongs to you Lord I'm gonna see a victory I'm gonna see a victory For the battle belongs to you Lord

What if more isn't right?

 I started this blog a couple months ago with the intention of writing about the things that inspire me to do more, because I still believe that we are all made for more. But, I've got to be honest. This is hard. I have always, since I was a little girl, believed in helping others. My parents did foster care for years when I was growing up, and I always knew it was something I wanted to do. I talked to Nick about it before we got married, he knew the passion that I had to help kids in this way, and the reasons why. He knew my brother, who without foster care, I would never have been able to call my brother. So we decided together to become a host family through Olive Crest's Safe Families for Children program about a year after we got married. Over the years, it's been hard. Some kids tug at your heart strings, some of the biological parents aren't trying to get their stuff together, and so it's doubly hard to give the kids back when you know they are most likely going to struggle in more ways than one. But it's always been something on my heart. Something I wanted to do, and I wanted my kids to experience. The impact of my parents doing foster care when I was a kid has absolutely left a deep imprint on my heart. I wanted to give that to my kids also.

We took a long break from hosting kids through SF when Micah and Jaxon were born, and again about six months ago when it just became too much of a wedge in our family. My husband doesn't like the effects it has on me (or some of our kids) when a kid leaves, and I think he also doesn't like to open himself up to get attached and then have a kid leave. But one thing that is really hard for me is feeling like I am doing this all alone. I have the support of my parents, and usually my kids are very helpful and want to give back in this way too. But it's a weight that I carry on my own. It's a desire of my heart to make an impact on those less fortunate than us, especially kids. This seemed like the perfect way to do just that. But it's so exhausting, and I have four kids of my own who need me. I just feel so torn all the time about this. What if doing more, being made for more, pushing yourself to fulfill that "more" space, is actually tearing you apart? Or destroying your relationships? Or actually traumatizing your kids more than it is inspiring them to do more and be better? 

I am the queen of doing something, and immediately regretting it. I take on everything, and then am crushed by the weight of it. I don't want to do that anymore, but I don't know how to fulfill this purpose, to be living out my made for more, while still maintaining peace in my own home. What if more just isn't right for me? What if my more is actually something that I've been doing all along, in my own home, and I need to do it better? How could I have this burning passion for fostering, and it not be the right thing? 

We're hosting a little girl right now. She's 9-months-old.  And I feel like taking care of her has pulled me away from my own kids. I'm missing sports games, I'm cranky with them, and I'm just not as present as I'd like to be. But shouldn't there be a way to balance it all? If I had a willing partner, sure. But I don't. So does that mean my passion for foster care dies to keep my marriage on solid ground? I'm really sad and really feel stuck and alone in this mission. I know there are a million other people who do what I'm doing, and they do it as a team with their partner. I think back to the first couple of hostings that we did, and there was a different vibe. Maybe because we only had two kids then, and there was more energy and love and hope to go around. Maybe my more has changed. My way to give back to foster youth and my contributions maybe have changed? I just don't know anymore. The burden is so heavy t ocarry all alone, and the weight of feeling like I've failed is even heavier.