Body Image & The Decision

 I've struggled with body image since I was a teenager, like most American females. My weight fluctuated as an adult after I stopped playing sports and started being less active in general with a "real" job and full-time college classes. Fast forward to the year before I got pregnant with the twins, and I was at my heaviest. I went on a lean protein diet and lost weight to a healthy point, and then got pregnant and struggled to get that weight off for about a year. Toss in a divorce (stress diet) and I was back down to my comfortable weight of about 140. I got remarried and then got comfortable, add a few pounds, and then got pregnant a few years later. Fast forward to 10 years later, and I am at my heaviest weight. Uncomfortable. Not trusting my own body. Fearful of falling or getting hurt because the recovery would be next to impossible at this size. Ready to make a change, but terrified that the wrong step will lead to no progress, setting me back or keeping me standing still. 

After taking a year-long series of classes through my medical insurance to find out more about the options offered, I decided to meet with a bariatric surgeon to discuss possibilities. I decided in late March to pursue a gastric bypass surgery, which was scheduled for April 26, 2023. I did not make this decision lightly, but considering the health effects of my weight over the past several years, I knew I needed to make a drastic change in order to see drastic and life-changing results. I know myself, and I know that this isn't the solution for everyone. I still don't know if it was the right choice for me, to be perfectly honest. But I'm embracing the steps and the process, and taking it one day at a time. 

For those of you considering weight loss surgery, I wanted to share a few of the reasons why I chose to go this route. 

1. I have sleep apnea, which has gotten worse over the last few years. 

2. I have ongoing issues with high blood pressure and it seems to be getting worse as time goes on. 

3. I am borderline diabetic. 

4. I am uncomfortable in my own body. I don't trust it, I'm always worried I'm going to fall if I try to do something physical, because this body just doesn't feel like my own. 

5. I want to coach my kids and run around with them. I want to be an active mom. 

6. I want to live a long time and be able to know my grandkids. 

7. I want to enjoy life and our pool and wear a bathing suit around friends and family without feeling like a beached whale or a sideshow. 

8. I want to be confident in my own skin again. I haven't felt that for almost 15 years now. 

9. I want to be able to fly on an airplane and not feel like I'm inconveniencing the person next to me because I'm spilling into their seat. 

10. I want to ride roller coasters (maybe - I am getting older so this one might be out!), and sit in movie theater seats, and walk next to my husband and not feel like I'm an embarrassment to him. I want him to be proud that I'm his wife. I want my kids to be proud that I'm their mom. 

So there you have it. Last Wednesday, four days ago, I had gastric bypass surgery. But that's not exactly the beginning of it. I'll share more of this journey with those of you interested in following, and I'll even include some of the details no one likes to talk about. For those of you who aren't interested, skip ahead, I'm sure there will be more content at some point, but in this season of life, I'm deciding that I was made for more than a sedentary life on the couch, and I took the decision into my own hands. Follow along if you'd like!