Changes

 Changes. Some of us hate them, while others (like my oldest friend for example) thrive on changes and even take jobs with "change" in the title. I think I'm somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I get bored easily, so change is good for me in that regard, but I'm also an anxious person by nature, so change can induce anxiety and nerves. 

My life over the past month or so has been full of change. Job change, body change, diet change, lifestyle change, emotional change, it's run the gamut. It's funny how small changes over time can add up to big differences (as noted in the photo below...I hadn't realized the changes entirely in my own body until I printed these pictures side-by-side). We may not notice the tiny differences that occur from one day to the next, but when we add them all together, it can have a big impact. 

My stomach no longer looks like I'm carrying around a nine-month-old baby in there, so yay for that change! It's still not where I want it to be, but there's a lot of noticeable change in the side-by-side views in the photo above. In addition to tracking my physical changes and post-surgery experience on this blog, I'm keeping a hard copy journal (because hello, child of the '80s, I don't do everything digitally like these crazy Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids who live in my house) so I can add photos and my own notes and keep track of my progress there as well. 

So change can definitely be good!

Change can also be hard. Leaving the company I had worked for over six years was hard. I know now that it was the right decision, but it was a hard decision to come to, and the change has been difficult for me. I don't do well with idle time, and while I've appreciated the rest and recovery time post-surgery, I've also been going a little stir crazy.

But, wait! More change is coming. 

I finally got my final subtest for the CSET results (a test I have to take for the single subject teaching credential and a prerequisite for official acceptance into the credential program I've applied to start in a little over a week online). I passed! Finally! 

So what does this mean? A lot. I'll be classes (fully online for the summer) a few days a week, starting with evenings and then moving into daytime classes. So that impacts my job search and what I can and can't take on over the next couple of months. I think I'll be able to balance the program and a fully remote role with a few complications here and there, but I could also take on a couple of kids to watch over the summer and probably make that work too (with the village approach, of course - Nick, Mom, Dad if you're reading this, that's a call for help 😉). The credential program is an intense 1-year program and it'll mean I either need an intern teaching position (paid - usually through a private school or a district in need of teachers in your subject area) or a student teaching placement with an odd job that has hours outside of the regular 8-3 school day - maybe consulting or something else freelance, or picking up an evening/weekend job but I think I'm going to have evening classes too. So I still need to iron out all of those pieces and figure out what the next year looks like. But, I promised myself that if I passed this last subtest of the CSET (which I did on my second day of a full liquid diet, I might add - talk about cranky town), I would pursue the social studies credential in its entirety and really commit to that process. So here goes! 

Change is hard. But it can be good. It can be painful. It can be glorious. Praying for clarity on these next few steps, and in the meantime, I'm going to keep looking for a job that aligns with my goals and pursuing happiness in this journey, both physically as well as emotionally and mentally, which was basically crippled over the last several months in a job that made me miserable and where I felt unappreciated and even worse, questioned on my character and ability to do a job well by someone who was new to the company and didn't know how else to try to "lead" the others. 

Looking forward to this new chapter, and embracing the change that comes along with it, as messy as that can be sometimes. I know God's got this, and I am grateful that my husband and my inner circle have been supportive of my decision to follow this path even though it may also constitute a mid-life crisis of sorts. 

Here's to change and positive outlooks and even mid-life crises when the circumstances call for it.