Conflicting Viewpoints & 3-Month Post-Op Update

I've been struggling lately with reconciling my faith and my individual values as a woman lately. Christianity teaches a lot about subservient women, following the man as the leader of the home, and sacrificing your needs/wants for those of others. A lot of me believes in the sacrificial nature of being a mom, a wife, a friend. But there's a big tug-of-war internally that strongly opposes the idea of laying down my life for others when it feels like most days, I'm running on empty. I have a lot of people in my life, in my job, in my circle that take from me. My job is one that requires me to give of myself and essentially take care of others, providing them with answers, establishing rules, etc. My role as a mom is a lot like that too. I feel like I give and give and give, and my battery is just on 0% most days. 

I wish I could say that there are a lot of other significant relationships in my life that fill my battery back up, that help me refill my tank when it's empty. But that's honestly just not the case these days. My circle of friends is small, I don't have a marriage that is picture perfect, and my bucket isn't being filled up most days by the people that should be helping to do that. I don't place blame anywhere, because for whatever reason, I may just require more from my partner and closest friends because I give so freely (and without thinking about the effect on me usually) most of the time. My blessing and curse in life is indeed the fact that I am an empath. I feel for others in a way that my husband just doesn't understand, and I want to solve the problems of those around me - whether it's kids in foster care or Safe Families or problems at work that I find solutions for, or making my kids' lives easier by being their emotional crutch or punching bag. 

I did recently read a book recommended to me called Boundaries and found it to be very insightful. I just have these conflicting viewpoints living inside of my soul that I can't seem to reconcile, and it's becoming more and more difficult to find what does fill my emotional bucket lately because of those conflicting views and pressures I feel. So while my physical journey of healing from my surgery has been very positive overall, I think it's bringing out some of the junk that I haven't dealt with for a long time on an emotional level. So there's work still to be done, for sure! I also haven't incorporated the gym into my routine yet, because summertime working from home with kids is rough, friends. But, that's still on my to-do list in the very near future! It's also about 100 degrees outside, so there's that little wrench in the plans as well. 

Now let's get to the good part. 

I am officially down 56 pounds from my highest weight before surgery at my 3-month post-op date today! Woohoo! 

I have also lost another 9 inches since my 2-month post-op update, bringing my total inches lost since surgery to just shy of 30 inches!!! This is huge for me. My clothes were mostly feeling way too loose, so I've had to get new shirts, shorts, bras, etc. this month. Even my workout pants are feeling loose when I walk in them now, which is such a huge non-scale victory for me. Another non-scale victory when we went to Sea World last week was that I could actually get on rides without worrying I was over the weight limit. HUGE VICTORY for me mentally and emotionally for sure. My 9-year-old asked me before we went to Sea World if I'd go on rides with them, and I said yes because now I wouldn't be worried about being too big. He smiled. Those are the little wins everyday that I'm so grateful for now, even if it sucks sometimes to go out to dinner and I'm ordering one chicken taco and eating the inside of it only while everyone else has plates full of food. I also do miss my caffeine, so if anyone knows of non-carbonated energy drinks (sugar free) for a pick-me-up every now and then I'd love to hear suggestions. I have taken to drinking a cup of coffee with sugar-free creamer most mornings now, and Crystal Light Zero packets in my water cup change up the taste of my liquids everyday so that's been a big win too. 

Sending warm thoughts and success story vibes to all of you who are battling or recovering from something tough. In the words of Glennon Doyle, "we can do hard things!"