Finding Joy in the Little Things

 When I think back to how I was as a kid, I remember being quiet and mostly happy. I loved reading, I loved playing soccer, and I loved my family. As I got older (middle school age or so), friendships became increasingly important to me, and they would remain as one of my top priorities well into my adult years. Those are the things that brought me joy when I was younger.

As I navigate this season of life, with high schoolers and elementary aged kids (two different worlds as a parent), I am grateful for opportunities to find joy in the little things again. When I was drinking, I wouldn't see the good in the little things, because my thoughts were always clouded with other things, competing priorities, and avoiding reality versus appreciating the mundane and quieter beauties in my life. 

Finding joy in the little things these days include much simpler things. A cup of coffee to start my day, the quiet of Monday mornings when everyone is at school and Nick is at work. The cool breeze in the evenings, which will soon be replaced by the sticky heat of summer nights in So Cal. Walks in the morning with my husband when he has a day off. Road trips to San Diego and Big Bear, and days at home enjoying the pool. Watching/hearing my daughter enjoy time with her friends in our home. Being able to be the safe home that her friends feel comfortable in, and knowing that I'm present and able to just be without having to mask my discomfort or insecurities with drinking. Watching a movie with my 10-year-old on a weekday evening because he's reading the book in school and asked me to watch the movie with him, and how he scoots as close as he can to me while we watch it. Micah appreciates closeness when he is feeling a little unsettled, and I know that I am one of few people in his world that can provide that comfort to him. I sense a settled-ness in Micah that probably wasn't there when I was drinking, because I wasn't as safe for him as I am now. 

Reading a book to unwind, having a handful of chocolate chips as a sweet treat, rather than an entire bag of candy like I may have done to drown out negative feelings or overwhelm or anxiety in the past. A massage every couple of months to treat myself, getting my nails done, and blogging. These are a few of my favorite things, and I am so glad that I get to enjoy them without feeling the weight of regret or guilt for not being fully present in my everyday life. 

"Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things are." - Marianne Williamson

"We simply cannot know joy without embracing vulnerability - and the way to do that is to focus on gratitude, not fear." - Brene Brown

Living Out of the Fog & Pursuing Passion, Purpose & Peace

 Mother's Day is one of those days that always has huge expectations and in the past, I felt a little too stressed or like the expectations of Mother's Day didn't quite get met. I think similarly to birthdays or other big holidays, there can be unrealistic hopes that meet hiccups along the way. My Mother's Day this year was mellow, but really good. There are often a lot of emotions around these holidays when relationships aren't exactly how you want them to be, and I've had my fair share of ups and downs with family or in-laws or friends on these holidays in the past. I've expected things that just aren't realistic, when we all know that being a mom comes with chaos and stress and ups and downs. And then we add in other family members and we want it all to be perfect, but perfection isn't usually in the cards when people are involved, because we are all flawed in our own ways and bring our expectations or hang-ups to the table. 

Being sober for the past eight months has really allowed me to see things through a different lens. Holidays and BBQs (which we hosted on Mother's Day) in the past were an automatic pass to drink and just escape whatever family drama or stress would likely come with us hosting an event. Mother's Day 2023 I was less than a month into my gastric bypass recovery, and I wasn't really eating solid food or enjoying much of anything, aside from looking forward to the future of being a more healthy version of myself. There was some emotional drama last year, but overall, I feel like I really just had a hard time because everyone around me was eating good food, a few people were drinking, and I felt like I was just unable to participate in any of the fun. At the same time, I think I knew somewhere deep down that my relationship with alcohol was on its way out of my life (even though I wouldn't actually stop drinking for a few more months). 

Anyway, my kids and husband have always tried to give me a good day on Mother's Day (limiting the fighting amongst the kids) and my husband makes our backyard look nice and cooks for everyone, which is very kind of him. And having my nieces and nephews here to celebrate is always nice too. This Mother's Day, we had the extra bonus of having my grandma here to celebrate too. My grandma, who I absolutely adore, is 89 years old guys and such a freaking rock star for driving the 20 or so miles from her house to mine to be with all of us for the day. It was so nice to have four generations of Burtons just together and chatting and celebrating our moms and grandmas. 

In other news, I have really enjoyed the editing process as I work with an editor and publisher on my manuscript, which I've title "Out of the Fog: Breaking Up with Alcohol and Living a Life of Passion and Purpose." We are about 85% of the way done with editing, and I've put together the acknowledgements and my bio for the book. It's been a really therapeutic process so far, and although there are things in the book that make me cringe, I am so proud of myself for walking through this process and excited to share my story with everyone later this year in print! 

Growing up, I always wanted to be a writer or a teacher or use the power of words to impact others in some way. Although I don't look at my career in human resources thus far as something that allows me to fulfill those dreams, I do see small pockets of opportunity in my current role that allow me to pursue the things in life that do bring me passion and purpose. For one, being a present mom and participating in my kids' events - whether that is being the team mom for Micah and Jaxon's soccer teams, or showing up to awards nights with Lucas and Rylee or cheering Lucas on from the sidelines of the volleyball court or connecting with Rylee over dinner or shared hobbies like reading and hanging out with her friends. Speaking of awards and Rylee's sweet friends who I adore, her friend sent me this amazing photo of her accepting Rylee's leadership award that she received last night but we didn't go to because Rylee is kind of over the awards nights around this time of the school year. She received an award earlier this month for being a Health Medical Careers Academy Ambassador and Best Buddies Liaison, and received this one last night for leadership in ASB. Lucas received an award last week at his Volleyball Banquet for being Best Defensive Player on his team as well as First-Team All-League. He went and ordered his letterman's jacket last week with a friend and teammate (another $600 later...by the way, parents, they don't get cheaper with age, the things they need/want just change!). Micah and Jaxon both wrapped up their soccer season with Papa as their coach, and to hear my dad get choked up talking at their soccer team party about how blessed he is to be able to coach them, got me teary-eyed. Participating in all of those events is such a blessing to me, and I'm so grateful that my dad is able to and wants to coach them for as long as they want to play soccer. It's just a really beautiful thing to witness all of this sober and fully present. And then the cherry on top is that I get to blog about it, and I'm able to write and publish a book about these moments and the journey I've been on in my sobriety and parenthood and just life. I'm able to see this all through a brand new lens because of my commitment to sobriety, to being a fully present parent, and to pursuing my dream of publishing a book. Who knows, maybe writing is going to become more than a hobby at some point, because I have enjoyed the editing process even though editing and publishing my book is not exactly an inexpensive process at this point, I'm putting money into something positive versus spending in on alcohol and unhealthy food choices and binge spending like I did in my drinking days. 

So it's all turned a corner, friends. Mother's Day may not ever be picture perfect, but why would I expect it to be? And really, who wants perfection? I'm grateful for the mess and chaos and blessed to be here for it all with these beautiful kids, and my perfectly imperfect husband, and my amazing parents and grandma. That's what it's all about, my friends. Finding the joy in the chaos and like a quote I saw on Instagram the other day, "If you settle for the chaos you know, you miss out on the peace you've yet to discover." @positivelypresent (who is, sidenote, an amazing woman that I went to grad school with!). 

I'm no longer interested in settling for the chaos that I knew as someone who had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and lived in the fog of drinking through painful and chaotic moments. I am interested in the peace that I've yet to discover, and living a life full of passion and purpose out of the fog! 

My babies in 2024

My nieces and my grandma (two of four generations) on Mother's Day 2024

Lucas's Best Defense Award 2024

Papa, Micah & Jaxon after their playoffs win! 

Health Academy Awards - May 2024

HMCA Awards with Ama 

Rylee's friend accepting her leadership award :) 

Monday Mantra

 Have you seen the Instagram reels where the interviewer is asking people what their "corporate ick" is? If you haven't, you should definitely look it up if you work in a corporate role, because I guarantee you'll hear something that your boss or coworkers says. One of my corporate icks is "Happy Monday!", yet I find myself saying it on calls (maybe just to be a smart ass, I'm not sure yet). 

But something hit me this morning after I dropped Jaxon and Micah off at school (a minute late, which for us on a Monday is pretty darn good). The quiet in the car, the deep breath I could take, knowing all four of my bear cubs were at school and I wasn't going to be the circus coordinator for the next six hours brought me a little slice of peace this morning. Now, don't get me wrong. I love the soccer mom weekends and spending time with my kids, but as an introverted enneagram two, I also struggle with noise and people overload, so this Monday morning, I was reminded of how much that silence matters to my peace of mind. 

A couple of things come to mind when I think about how Monday mornings hit a little differently these days. First, Monday mornings used to be so rough. I'd inevitably drink too much on a Sunday night for many years past, because I wanted to avoid waking up and working in a job I hated, so I'd instead just use my coping mechanism of making everything disappear for the moment, only to wake up hungover and dreading every step I had to take to survive the day. Which, of course, started with the morning battles of getting Jaxon out of bed, making sure Micah eats something and doesn't forget his water, and listening to whether or not Lucas and Rylee are fighting over the car or after school plans or who's making who late that day. Those battles still look pretty similar, but I can handle them all with a sense of "at least I'm not hungover" that I didn't have before. So that's nice. 

Secondly, my approach to work, although I still don't love my job, is shifting. My perspective and attitude (thanks to some tips from a friend) is slowly adjusting to where I may not love the tasks or the people I work with every single day, I'm thankful that my job gives me the flexibility to show up for my kids, and to work from home, and to still earn a paycheck and contribute to my household expenses. And this isn't forever, right? I may learn that this job is exactly what I need, or I may decide in a year to pursue something different. But for now, I'm at peace with my job and I am grateful to have it on a Monday. 

So on this Monday, I'm grateful for the pockets of quiet in my day, where no one is asking what we're doing later or what's for dinner or can I make his brother stop picking on him or breathing his air. I'm grateful for the opportunity to work for a company that makes positive changes for its clients, and I'm grateful for the new things I am learning in this role. I am especially grateful that my job allows me the flexibility to show up for kids' games and go on field trips with the boys, and do all of the little things that I probably take for granted and would be so upset to miss if I worked in an office from 9-5. 

My Monday mantra has shifted from "holy hell, how am I going to survive this day" to "grateful" for what Mondays bring.