The First To Leave the Nest

 My Rylee Brooke has always been determined when she sets her mind to something. When she was a toddler, she often ran the show when it came to what the twins were doing. She had the big ideas, and she made sure Lucas followed the rules she set. As they grew up, they tended to stick to similar paths - the Health Academy in high school, soccer and volleyball and basketball as extracurriculars and a group of friends that intertwined for most of their high school experience. When we started talking about their plans after high school, I was unsure about whether they would end up in the same place, and curious about how it would all play out. 

In the end, Rylee decided college was her next step (to become a teacher) and Lucas is pursuing a different path as an EMT, paramedic and firefighter. That meant they would be living separately for the first time in almost 19 years. And it also meant at least one of them would no longer be living under my roof. We all know this day is coming as parents, but let me tell you, it hits a lot harder than you anticipate, even if you know it's coming for months and months ahead of time.

Rylee moved into her off-campus apartment this past Wednesday with three of her closest friends from our neighborhood. They went through elementary, middle, and high school together, and when a couple of them were considering the same college, they started looking into housing. I was a proponent of dorm life, knowing that they'd have rules and be under the watch (somewhat) of the university. And I was 100% in support of Rylee living at school if that's what she wanted to do, because I wish I had pursued that opportunity when I was in college. So I'm proud and happy for her, but also so sad to not see her car in front of the house when I pull up after dropping Micah and Jaxon off at school. It's a whole mixed bag of emotions, and at the end of the day, I am so incredibly proud of the person she is, and who she is becoming as she stretches her wings a bit. She's only a county away, so we'll see each other often, but it's not the same as knowing she's coming home every night (even if it's way past my bedtime when she walks in the door) or giving her a hug every day. 

Every single stage of parenting has surprised me. The infant stage is exhausting. The toddler stage is exhausting and frustrating because these little humans you created (or raised) are becoming their own people but they still can't do basic things to take care of themselves (although Rylee did take care of herself in more ways than one when she was 4 and 5 years old...namely random haircuts and folding laundry and writing to-do lists before she even knew how to spell). Then there's the elementary years and the stinky middle school years. To be honest, high school might have been my favorite, followed closely by the infant stage. Something about those book-end periods of parenting really grabbed my soul. I loved my babies as babies, and I really like them as teenagers/young adults. It's such an incredible blessing to watch them become people, and to love them not only as a parent, but just because they're amazing humans. 

I held it together the whole day on Wednesday, unpacking, hanging things up, and organizing with my girl. When it was time to say goodbye, I did my best to hold the emotions in, because I don't want to take away from any of her happiness in this new journey. But the tears started to fall and didn't stop for about 48 hours off and on. I just walk by her old room and feel her absence. I look out the front door and her car isn't in the usual spot, and I miss her. I even miss doing her laundry and picking up her room. She's just such a wonderful person, I'd honestly want to hang out with her even if she wasn't my kid. I can't wait to watch her soar and cheer her on as closely as she'll let me stand on the sidelines. If you're reading this, Ry, I am so blessed to be your mom. Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey, and know that you will always have a place to come home to, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent to, and someone to read your college essays if you want an extra set of eyes. I love you more than you will ever know, and I am always just a phone call, text, or FaceTime away. Keep chasing your dreams and making shit happen, kid. You'll always be my favorite girl.