I Am Exactly Where I Am Supposed To Be

 This week, I traveled to an offsite company kickoff meeting for the new job I started a few weeks ago. I was very anxious about this, because I haven't interacted with work colleagues in over 10 years in person. I was one of the few people who worked remotely way before COVID, and there are definitely pros and cons with work-from-home life. The balance is hard. But the plus side of showing up to all of the kids' awards and sports and spelling bees and volunteering on occasion has been invaluable. 

I was on information overload by the second day. Not only was I in back-to-back meetings all day, I was forced to "people" for hours on end. As an introvert, peopling for hours and hours is difficult. It drains me. And to top it off, these were all brand new people that I had never met or had one or two online meetings with. And then the icing on the cake, a few people asked me questions that I don't yet know the answer to, because I barely started in this role with this company three weeks ago. 

It. Was. A. Lot. 

By the second day, I was questioning whether or not I had made the right decision to move over to this company. I think my tank was empty, and the one thing that kept rolling through my mind was how great all of the people were, even if the actual role of doing HR isn't something that sets my soul on fire. I talked to my husband about how I was feeling and came to the realization that:

I. Am. Exactly. Where. I. Am. Supposed. To. Be. 

I don't want to start a new career. I don't want to be at the bottom of the earning scale or racking up student debt. I don't want to be surrounded by feelings of not knowing on a daily basis. This role is exactly what I have wanted my entire career in HR. And our career doesn't have to be everything to us. I can find passion in the other things in my life that fill up my cup, as I've blogged about before. I can become more involved in my online sober communities. I can become a sober life coach. I can blog or podcast or write a book. And I can do all of that while making an impact with a company that truly values culture and its employees. 

Before I got sober, I always had to fill up my plate (and overflow it in most cases) with things that made me feel something. Volunteering or being a host family for Safe Families, or taking on all of the extra things that come at us in life. But this week has shown me that it's ok to be content where you are. It's ok to appreciate the value in the flexibility of a remote role with a good group of people, and make the impact I want to make with my kids and my circle of people. 

I'm overwhelmed a lot of the days of the week right now. I'm new to this role, I'm learning things and setting boundaries for myself. I'm making time to go for walks and take care of my mental health too. These are all things I wasn't doing a year ago. I may not be where I thought I would a year ago, but I'm in a way better space in so many ways. And I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. 

The sunrise in Venice Beach for our company "Heal the Bay" community event.