Milestones & Mindset Shifts

 Yesterday, I turned 42. Today, I celebrate 9 months of sobriety. 

Milestones are such a beautiful thing. When my first babies were born, I remember sending out mass emails to family and friends about their milestones every couple of months. First rice cereal, first crawl, first step, first word. It all mattered so much to me as a mom, even though the twins had no idea they were reaching those milestones. 

In my own milestones over the past year or so, I'm keenly aware of the big moments and wins. Post RNY surgery, I was able to track changes in numbers on the scale, clothing size, and overall feeling better and more myself than I had in years. I've also been able to track my sobriety through daily, monthly and weekly milestones. But more importantly, I've been able to track my progress in the way my mindset has shifted towards alcohol and the desire to numb out and escape reality with a substance that is simply incompatible with my body and mind. 

Birthdays were always a VERY big deal growing up. My mom didn't have birthdays celebrated when she was a kid, so she put in 200% effort to make sure all of her kids' birthdays were fabulous and celebrated with gusto. She still loves a good birthday dinner, a birthday song at a restaurant (which makes me cringe, but at least in my sobriety I can put on a happy face and be gracious about it instead of having an anxiety attack), and a beautiful card. She also still sings happy birthday to me every year. My dad is more quietly celebratory, but always shows up and wants to make sure his people know they are loved. 

My husband was a little overwhelmed by the Burton birthday celebrations when he joined our family 15 years ago. I think they still wear him out, but he also puts on a happy face and does his best to make birthdays a beautiful day for me or our kids. Birthdays for me in the past were a hall pass - a reason to drink more than I should and blame it on the celebration of my birthday. 

Last year, I wasn't 100% up to a big birthday celebration since I was still pretty limited on what I could and couldn't eat. This year felt like the first birthday of my new life in a lot of ways, and it was a beautiful day. I worked, I read one of my new book series obsessions on my lunch break and sat outside on the patio to get some sunshine in. Then I watched a favorite movie, had a great time with extended family at a dinner celebration, and came home and was in bed by 10pm. The best part? I woke up at 6:45am without an alarm feeling refreshed and ready for a new day. That's one thing that will never get old in sobriety - the mornings. Feeling good and ready for the day, rather than waking up hungover and just wanting to hide in my bed and avoid reality again because of the choice to avoid reality the night before with way too much alcohol. 

Living life outside of the fog of alcohol has truly been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm a more present mom, I'm a better wife, I'm a stronger woman, and I am able to set boundaries so that I don't need to escape from reality, because the reality I've created is pretty damn amazing. Any anytime I can get a picture (or even just experience) all four of my babies in one place, is a good day indeed.