18, 14 & 1

 My first babies turned 18 a little over a week ago. It's crazy to think about the journey the three of us have been on over the last 18 years, and I'm so grateful that they are the people they are, despite some of the difficult things along the way. It's also incredibly difficult as a mom (especially a mom who didn't have the support of their other biological parent for the better part of 15 years) to hold space for the emotions that come with them becoming legal adults. It has been a lot to process, and we've had some hard conversations around what changes now that they are officially adults, yet they are still in their senior year of high school and largely dependent on me and their (step)dad for financial support. This parenting gig is quite the ride my friends. 

This week, I celebrated 14 months of sobriety. I celebrated 14 months of sobriety on November 14th to be exact, which jumps out at me because of the significance of repeating numbers. I told Nick that it's my golden soberversary. I'll have another one when I celebrate 14 years too. Sobriety feels like my norm now. I don't think about drinking, I don't miss drinking, and I'm overall just really grateful for the life I'm living and the peace I have surrounding me because of choices I've made over the past 14 months (and even prior with the health changes from my bariatric surgery). 

Now I'm down to 1. I've had the realization that a lot of things in life actually come down to 1. For many years, I worried about how my choices affected others. I worried about how things affected others before I worried about how it affected me. I'm learning now that as my twins turn 18 and become adults, and as I am sober and authentically me, it all comes down to 1 - me. I can only control what I can control. I can choose how to react to the things happening around me. I can't control what anyone else does, but I can control my reactions and my responses to people and things. And at the end of the day, most things that feel exceptionally important in that moment are not going to be life-changing events or decisions two months or two years down the road. It's important to bring that perspective into my day-to-day because I have a tendency to get overwhelmed and do all the things and not set healthy boundaries. I'm learning (better late than never) that I am the only 1 who can do that for myself. And it feels pretty empowering to accept that and make decisions that will better my career path, my relationships, and my health. 

What's something you can decide to do today to protect, empower, or set boundaries for yourself?