2 Steps Forward, 3 Steps Back

 Things were going so well, until eating day. The scrambled egg went just fine, but later in the afternoon, I tried to eat a little bit more (mashed potatoes and grilled fish - both of which are on my soft high protein food list), and a couple hours later, I felt like it was the day after the hospital all over again. It was a super long night on Wednesday, up until 2am, sick to my stomach, but not really able to let it out because my stomach doesn't know how to do that anymore (plus, there's very little in there at a time). It was miserable. 

Moments like this make me think. Did I do the right thing? Should I have had the surgery? In those moments, I lean towards, no. Obviously, the feeling in the moment takes over the rational part of my brain that can see the next day that things are just fine, and I did make the right decision. 

So, I went back on my mostly liquid diet and am just going to take things extra slow with the progression to more soft foods. A little bit at a time. One day at a time. 

One of the hardest things for me in the past when I've tried to lose weight and get healthy, is that I'd have a setback like this, and I'd default back to my old ways. With the surgery, that's not an option. I'll literally be in excruciating pain if I go back to what I did before, so I'm forced to slow down and get through the painful/tough days and focus on the next steps and moving forward. Instead of taking two steps forward, having a setback, and going ten steps backwards, I feel like this is a more moderate two steps forward, three steps back, and then another step forward. It's a forced slowdown in so many ways, which I think is really good for my personality and my way of doing things that hasn't gotten me anywhere in the past. 

Today is a new day! I'm feeling stronger, less turmoil happening in my belly (gas pains) and was able to tackle some house projects - cleaning kids' rooms, organizing bathroom drawers and all that fun stuff. Little by little, I know if I stay on this path, I'll get to where I want to be six months from now. And for the rest of my life...I'll be running around with my kids in no time.