Day 1

 

I've had a lot of Day 1's over the years, with different restarts and do-overs. I've struggled for many years with different self-destructive behaviors and ways to numb feelings when things get too hard. I've traveled down that miserable road too many times, and yesterday was my last Day 1. I'm ready to start over and follow the path that I'm meant to be on, without getting in my own way. 

Now, what does that path look like exactly? I have no idea. But I'm open to whatever new things come my way in this season. I'm open to being the best, healthiest, strongest version of myself. I spent a few hours with my oldest and dearest friend the other day, and her presence in my life over the past 36 years (we met in kindergarten) has been consistently supportive and insightful no matter how close or far we are from  one another (physically or figuratively as we've both followed our own paths in life). Sometimes hearing from a different perspective that I have done some things really well in life, and I still have a lot of work to do in other areas opens up your mind to a new way of looking at things. We get so set in our ways and the unhealthy methods of self-medicating and "just surviving" that I think I forgot how to enjoy the little things along the way. 

I have my own demons, we all do. I've struggled with my mental health since I was 13, trying to find healthy coping mechanisms, and I've screwed up MANY times along the way. But what matters to me in this moment, is that I am committed a BETTER way of living. A way that doesn't make me feel like a failure, like I'm losing a battle. But instead, that I am winning the war and impacting the people around me in a positive way. 

So, here's to my last Day 1. Here's to making better decisions for myself and my health (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional). It's not going to be easy, but I know it will be worth it. Sending you all love and light and good vibes on this scorching hot Tuesday in SoCal.