Four Months Sober & Enneagram Talks

 Four months sober on 1/14/24. I'm a day ahead, but I know there's nothing that could take me off this path right now. Yesterday, I stopped at CVS (which used to be my frequent liquor pick up stop on the way home from whatever had caused me anxiety to drink that day) and didn't even think about wandering to the alcohol aisle. I instead went there with a mission to get hair dye and treat myself to arguably one of the most controversial candy choices in the world...just behind candy corn...circus peanuts. I love them. Everyone else I know (aside from my kids who will eat pretty much any candy in front of them) hates them and thinks they're gross. Whatever. More for me. Although I do have to be careful with candy these days. My stomach can only handle a few pieces at a time, so I've learned moderation is best when it comes to sweet treats. 

Anyhow, 4 months sober tomorrow. 122 days sober today. 90 pounds lighter than I was on April 26, 2023. There's been a lot of positive change coming my way over the past eight months. And I think I'm showing up differently because of these changes. I'm more comfortable in my own skin due to the weight loss, as well as the alcohol-free lifestyle. I see a brightness in my eyes that hasn't been there in years, and more color in my cheeks. I feel a different confidence in the way I carry myself, and I don't worry about walking up a set of bleachers at my kids' basketball game because I'm steady on my feet and unafraid of the weight of my own body causing my knees or ankles to give out on me. 

It's funny, I think the last time I kept such good track of months or noted the date as an important milestone was when Jaxon was a baby. I was so good about sending email updates about the twins when they were babies. And then posting about Micah and Jaxon's milestones on Instagram and Facebook. Now, I'm here posting about myself and my own milestones. Of course, most of my Instagram feed is covered with proud mom posts for the kids, but here, I can give myself a pat on the back and shout from the rooftops that I'm happy and sober and feeling settled. I'm sure the new job will take some time to get used to, but overall, I do feel like I have a purpose and I am doing good work for a company with a strong organizational culture and mission. I am also enjoying taking care of me in whatever manner that looks like. 

One of the ladies in my online sober community shared an enneagram test the other day, and I just love the enneagram studies. I think it's a powerful tool to learn more about yourself, like personality tests of the early 2000s and those amazing 100 question surveys we'd circulate on Facebook in the late 1990s and early 2000s. Tools that help us learn more about ourselves and the ways that we interact with important people in our lives are always something that interests me. I am an enneagram 2 with a 1 wing, and I think that accurately sums up a lot of the characteristics I carry. 

Enneagram 2: 

 - Driven by the core fear of being rejected or unwanted, being thought worthless, needy, inconsequential, dispensable or unworthy of love. 

 - Enneagram two-wing-one types fear being unwanted by those that they love, and tend to take on a caretaker role to serve others and avoid feelings of insecurity. 

 - They desire love and acceptance above all else. 

 - Organized, structured, and feel like it's their responsibility to serve others. 

 - Dislikes: selfishness, being unsure where I stand in relationships, rudeness, feeling unimportant. 

- Likes: feeling needed, giving advice, being included, being there for others. 

Have you done your enneagram assessment? If not, check out one of the great free tools you can find online, or follow some of the Instagram enneagram accounts I like: @enneagramashton @enneagramexplained