I've worked remotely for 10 years. There are undoubtedly pros to this - wearing pajamas to work for half my day, not having to pay for before or after school childcare, being able to pick kids up from school and go to awards and spelling bees and Christmas performances because I am able to plan out my work day around those personal obligations, without having to consider a commute or drive time between these activities. I live two minutes away from the elementary school, and now that my older two drive themselves to high school, there's not a lot of driving for me to the high school unless it's an after school activity or special occasion.
Working from home also brings its own set of challenges. For one, I feel like I'm never truly "off the clock" for work. I wake up and check emails before I even get out of bed sometimes. It's habit. A bad one, but still a habit. I am sending emails and responding to things while I "help" (I use that term VERY loosely when it comes to mornings around here - pure chaos, tears, yelling, lost shoes, it runs the gamut around here) my kids get out the door for school. The tears often come from me once I drop them off, because someone is usually upset by the time I drop them off at school, and someone else has developed a sudden cough or temperature in the 45 minutes since they woke up. Mornings are my most stressful time of the day usually, because out of 10 school days in a two-week period, I'm doing the routine at least 7 of those days. Even when my husband has a day off during the week, I'm still very involved in the morning process, because I can usually read which kid is having a bad day and approach them with mom gloves versus the frustration of dad not knowing what these emotions are or how to manage them. He tries, but usually, I'm the one who can handle with care.
This morning was a tough one. My older two had a rough evening yesterday. We had a lot of emotions going on, and big decisions to be made, and they both (whether they willingly admit this or not) are worried about each other when things like this come up. They may not always show it, but they do worry about one another. So we went into this morning with all of those feelings, and crankiness, and stress about a test today, and one of the twins was taking longer than the other to get out the door, and then there's insults about who's a worse driver and who can get them to school on time, and it just goes sideways from there. I hate hearing them be mean to each other, because I know more than anyone how your family and especially your siblings are the ones that you're "stuck" with forever. Friends come and go, but sibling bonds are here to stay (whether they like it or not!).
My younger two have different morning struggles. My middle guy, Micah, hates being around kids his age for the most part. He's stressed out by loud noises (hello, fourth graders!) and he doesn't really like chaos or plans changing at the last minute. His teacher can be a bit of a yeller from what I've told, so I know Micah doesn't love that either. School in terms of the academics is easy for him. School in terms of the social aspect is hard for him. This morning he suddenly developed a cough and was looking for the thermometer. Today is a rare in-office day for me, so I tried to explain to him that I needed him to take care of his responsibilities and go to school and not come home early (he's done this at least a dozen times this school year because he just taps out from all the noise and chaos in his classroom). He got emotional, and I felt like crying too when I dropped him off and I knew he was upset. But I think keeping him home is also not teaching him that he has to learn how to cope with the hard stuff in life. Or maybe I'm just being selfish and focusing on my work day. I just don't know sometimes. The mom guilt is real when it comes to our kids being upset and us feeling like we could have done something different to change it.
My youngest, the baby of the family, is truly the baby in all the studies they've done on birth order. He does what he wants, when he wants, and marches to the beat of his own drum. He also takes FOREVER to get ready in the morning. Brushing his teeth takes 10 times longer than most people. Not because he's doing such an amazing job at it, but because he is painfully slow at all of his processes. Eating takes forever. Getting socks and shoes on is a whole ordeal, because if the socks aren't on just right, he has to start all over. It's painful for me sometimes to watch him get ready because I just want to do it for him to speed him along. Again, I know that's not teaching him or equipping him for life, but the struggle to not jump in and just take over is real, my friends. He also has this mop of beautiful unruly hair that has to be tamed every morning, and that's a whole different battle we fight on the regular.
By the time 8am rolls around, I'm emotionally drained. And then I have to put on my work face and get in the game of dealing with people all day.
In the afternoon, my parents pick my little boys up a lot. I have more meetings with my new job than I have in past roles, so the elementary school release time of 1:45pm isn't very conducive to an afternoon of work that still needs to be completed. But once they come home and through that door, my "peaceful" work day of calendared meetings and to-do lists goes out the window and I'm in juggle mode. Doing the mom stuff and still finishing up my work day. By 4:30 or 5pm when I sign off from work for the day, I'm so tired. I've given my energy and brainpower to managing kids' feelings, and corporate HR work and I have nothing left most days. The blurred lines of working from home, not having that commute time to break up the emotions from work and get ready for the home life stressors is tough. Many days, I have my mom hat on while I'm working, and vice versa. It's tricky. And today it feels especially tough.
That's not to say I'm not grateful for working from home. I am. But sometimes, I just want someone else to acknowledge that it's difficult. That I carry the weight of four (not so) tiny humans, along with the weight of a people-centric full-time job, and also managing the house and unloading the dishwasher and cleaning up after people and doing laundry. It's a lot. And instead of texting my husband to complain, I figured I'd share it with all of you for a change.
Life isn't all roses and sunshine. But I am grateful for a life that brings me sunshine and roses, as well as the tears and emotional ups and downs. It's all part of the journey, and no matter how blurry the lines get, I'll keep showing up for my kids and I'll keep showing up for myself. That's my focus in 2024 - authenticity, showing up, and trying to fit in the self-care and small victories along the way.
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