Stupid Love Day & 5 Months Sober!

 Today is what most people call Valentine's Day. I have called it Stupid Love Day for many, many years, because well, I think it's kind of stupid that we have a day to love our people. We should be doing that everyday, right? Don't get me wrong, I'll happily accept roses and a sweet card from my husband and cute gifts from my kids all day long. But, I think the expectations around Valentine's Day or anniversaries or birthdays set us up for failure and disappointment in most cases, because we just expect too much of people sometimes. Social media and the movies tell us we should get the world on a silver platter today, so anything less is going to be not enough. Lower expectations = realistic expectations = not being upset. 

Today also marks my 5 months soberversary! I posted this photo on Instagram yesterday. And I don't post these photos to pat myself on the back (well, kind of) or to brag. I post them because they are reminders to me of how far I've come, and how I never want to go back to that place. 

What do I see in the photo on the left? I see a swollen face, so much that it looks like it hurts to smile. I see an extra layer of fat under the left side of my face. I see an adorable little boy whom I love very much (the one positive in this photo). I see dull eyes and skin. I see someone who absolutely adored and loved her family, but hated herself. 

What do I see in the photo on the right? I see bright eyes and skin. I see my chin and my smile lines around my nose and mouth well-defined. I see hope. I see someone who prioritizes her peace and sobriety over all the other noise in the world. I see happiness and health. I see someone who loves herself just as much as she loves her family. That's growth, my friends! 

I haven't done measurements in quite awhile, I plan to do that at my one-year post-surgery mark. But I can definitely see the changes in my body. Sure, I have some loose skin now and some other things I want to improve. But overall, my blood test results, my blood pressure, my physical and mental strength, my emotional stability, my motivation to succeed in my career and passion projects, it's all so undeniable in the photos on the right of each panel. 

So today, I celebrate Stupid Love Day with my kids, and my husband, and myself. I celebrate the growth you can see in these photos, and the growth you can't see that's happened in my mind and my heart. Today, I love me. And loving me has made my relationships with these beautiful people of mine so much better than I ever thought possible.