Gratitude & Growth

 Thanksgiving, I'm realizing, is a tough month for me. There are great things about November - sometimes we get a cool, breezy day, and it's my twinsies' birthday and we have a day of family and gratitude when we all gather for Thanksgiving. The twins' birthday is one of my favorite days of the year, but it also brings its own heavy emotions. No matter how much time passes, if you create a child with someone, their unwillingness to prioritize those children in the same way that you have for 19+ years is a heavy thing. It's sad, it's unfortunate, it's ugly. Although I could not love those crazy twins more, it hurts that the person who created them with you does not show up for them in the same way (or any way, to be blunt). So that is a weight I carry around for a few weeks, which brings on some feelings and I have to work through those. I've learned (thankfully) better ways to work through them, and new projects to focus on to get me through those harder days. One such project is reviewing and revising my almost-thesis into a potential new publication. A labor of love, a full circle moment (I wrote most of this when I was pregnant with the twins), and something I can be proud of despite the time it took to get to this point. I think that can be a metaphor for a lot of experiences in life.

Thanksgiving is also a time to reflect on all that we are grateful for. I have two enormous pieces of my life that I am incredibly grateful for this year. So I wanted to share those with all of you. First, of course, this beautiful crew of kids that I brought into the world and that make me proud, crazy, full of love, and sometimes full of stress, but they are the heart and soul of me and all that I strive to do in this world. They are my why, forever and always. I'm also grateful that two of my kids (one from each "group" if you will because of the age gap between my two sets of babies) have found a shared passion and something they like to do together. Here's Micah (11) and Lucas (19) in Big Bear a week or so ago, and then, with a full heart, I share my favorite Christmas tradition with all of you - the Santa photo. Third is me and Nicholas - this guy can be prickly, let me tell you. Warmth is not a word I would use to describe him in most settings. He's the calm, rock solid, realistic point of view one in this relationship FOR SURE. But he can also be warm and affectionate when one of us needs that (we just usually have to vocalize that it's what we need because it doesn't come naturally to him). He's authentically himself and he makes no apologies for that (sometimes to my discomfort in group settings, but he is who he is, and I love him for it). He has truly been the best balance to my highs and lows of emotions and feelings and reactions. He's the calm to my storm, no doubt. 

The second piece of my life that I am incredibly grateful for is the opportunity to teach college students in a subject I love, and have an impact on these young adults as they are starting out their journey. These messages came from two of my students this semester, along with a couple verbal messages of "this was my first semester, and you were my favorite professor" and "thank you for making this class interesting and fun" as they walked out the door for our final class meeting last week. I'm looking forward to 45 essays to grade in the next week or two, and just feel so blessed to be here in this spot. It is truly a testament to the power of dreams, the payout for staying the course, and the reward for choosing a life of authenticity, purpose, and passion however that looks for each of us.