Once a Heart Mom, Always a Heart Mom

 Sometimes I forget that my Rylee girl actually has a heart condition. And then we're making our rotation through the check-ups and echocardiograms and EKGs and I'm immediately brought back to the doctor's appointment when she was 18 months old and a routine check-up led to the discovery that she had an atrial septal defect. At the time, the doctor said we could watch it for six months and then decide what the best next step would be. When she was just a little over 2 years old, we met with a pediatric cardiologist at CHOC (Children's Hospital of Orange County) and determined the best course of action was a relatively new, minimally invasive procedure that would insert a device called Amplatzer Septal Occluder (think of a mesh butterfly clamp of sorts) to close the hole. Screenshots below for any of you interested in the details. 

I've shared before about the trauma of that experience, especially considering her biological dad and I were divorced and I had not yet met Nicholas. I had the support of family and great friends, but it still felt a little like a single mom in her mid-twenties who was navigating this very scary world alone. 

As anyone who knows Rylee would expect, she was up and talking and ordering a buffet of her favorite foods and making phone calls in no time. 

The emotions I felt sitting in the echocardiogram room today were stronger than I thought they would be. The memories of my toddler in a crib hospital bed, the splint holding her leg still since the procedure required a catheter through her groin and needed to be still for 24 hours, plus the splint on her tiny little arm for the IV and other medications, it was all really overwhelming. 

But then I see the beautiful, strong, independent, capable young lady. Still getting her echocardiogram, still making her mom anxious, but also making me so proud. We forget about the challenges that we (or our kids) face, but at the end of the day, those challenges just serve to make us better people. Rylee is a ball of emotions, enthusiasm, loyalty, and love. She's also more capable than she realizes, braver than I ever was, and lights up a room anywhere she goes. 

While being a heart mom is not something that goes away when your kid turns 18, it does look different. But I'm still left with the same feelings as when I took my 2.5 year old girl home from the hospital after her heart procedure. Proud. Amazed. Full of love and admiration for the girl who will always be stronger, braver, and better than me in every single way. She's not a mini version of me - she's the best pieces of me and so much more.