The journey isn't always easy

 Journey was a name that stuck out to me when I was pregnant with the twins. I wanted to name my daughter Journey from the time I was 18 and heard someone talking about their four girls, all with "J" names that were unique. Journey, Justice, Jordyn and Jagger. I thought those were so cool (and totally appropriate for the punk rocker couple who was talking about their girls and I was just a little 18-year-old eavesdropper. 

I'm slightly obsessed with the arguably inappropriate but also hilarious and inspiring TV series Glee that was on a decade or so ago. There's a quote in there from the glee club advisor, Mr. Schue. He's trying to convince the kids to do a medley of Journey songs, and he says something to the effect of, "Who cares what happens when we get there, when the getting-there has been so much fun." It's not always about the destination, right? It's also about the fun you had, the lessons you learned, the friendships and connections you made along the way. 

I am terrible at waiting. I know there's a season for waiting and a season for doing, and I feel like right now, I'm in the waiting season. Waiting to figure out my next big move in life. Waiting for my kids to be at a place where I don't feel like I need to be available to them 24/7 (does that every really happen though?). Waiting for a sign that my time is now, my thing is this, and my purpose has been identified. I want to do something that matters. I don't want to babysit adults or recruit for new job roles that are just going to be vacant again in a few months. But I also want to be the crazy volleyball and soccer and basketball mom who cheers from the sidelines and is there for every award ceremony and playoff game. So while I feel like I'm on my pause, in this waiting season, I'm also grateful that I get to be there for those big moments that will make a difference in the lives of my own kids. Maybe I don't need to change the world. Maybe I just need to raise four good human beings who will eventually make their own waves in this world. Maybe that's my biggest purpose, my life's goal. 

Have you ever found yourself in a waiting season, with the itch to do something bigger and more meaningful? What pulled you out of the itchiness and set you solid on the ground, waiting and being ok with waiting? A few things I'm finding helpful is to continue to work on me, even in less loud ways. Writing is one way. Reading is another. Considering taking a business class or two. Starting a non-profit that allows for me to play a part in making dreams come true for teenagers in my own community. Letting all of those thoughts and ideas simmer for a bit without taking any big actions. 

It's so hard to wait! It's so hard to be patient and let God have His say in what's going to happen next. I'm a do-er. I'm always ready for the next project, the next ask. My work calendar is a series of meetings and tasks and deadlines. I love checking things off my to-do list. But for now, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the small moments that I may otherwise have missed. The laughs with my youngest when he's doing one of his crazy dance moves. The Uno games with my middle child who is full of big feelings and ideas and just doens't always know how to express them clearly. The laughs and jokes on the way home from picking my teenagers up from school. The stolen hugs and inside jokes that we've all created together or me just one-on-one with my four reasons for existing. Maybe that's the beauty in this journey after all. That we can pivot, and choose different each day. That we can have more than one purpose, and they can be of all different shapes and sizes. 

This journey definitely hasn't been easy. But it has been so beautifully messy and fun along the way.