Seasons of waiting

 The waiting is so incredibly hard for me. I like to complain (I say mostly in a joking way) that I never have a free minute to just sit still and relax. But in all honesty, I feel most valuable when I'm productive and making things happen and checking things off the to-do list. I'm a busy person, with four kids in sports, a full-time job, two dogs who like to fight like siblings, and I continue to think "what more can I take on? How can I fill my plate to capacity?". I am curently in the middle of a season of waiting, and it's so difficult for me! 

I've put some feelers out there to start volunteering with different organizations, and I'm excited to get involved somehow with foster care, aged out foster youth, or other organizations with a passion for this area. I have to put the brakes on myself sometimes, because I get so excited about something new, and want to dive right in, and instead of just being able to sit and CHILL, I start spinning my wheels looking for something else I can get caught up in. I think I'm so used to the busy-ness, that I can't function as well without it. And then, eventually, I just crash and burn, or fall asleep for 12 hours after a few months of running myself ragged. 

What is this? Why do I keep doing it to myself? Why can't I just sit and be content in the moment? Is it a generational thing? Is it a work ethic thing? Is it a side-effect of wanting to prove my worth to the people in my life, so I just hustle and don't stop? Is it a "keeping up with the Jones' mom thing" and wanting to out-mom everyone else? 

I wish I knew the answer. Because it's exhausting. Like a hamster on a wheel, and I can't get off the wheel. I can't stop moving, for fear that I might have to deal with some of my own "stuff" if I stop the chasing of other pursuits. 

I was recently told something really cool at my annual review at work. I was given positive feedback, and instead of being able to just take that compliment, I'm finding myself in chase mode today. Maybe it's a symptom of the holidays, of the busy schedules and chasing of events and things to do, and ways to bring the Christmas joy into our kids' lives. Seeing Christmas lights, finding Christmas activities, visiting Santa, different family Christmas events, and the list goes on....

Some day, when I grow up, I want to learn the subtle art of chilling out. Sitting back, relaxing, not having to fill my cup with something to drink to make the day more "fun", or busying myself with a housecleaning chore, an organizational project, or a clean-out of drawers and closets and general doing of things. 

Seasons of waiting are really difficult for an overachiever, a people-pleaser, an [overly] emotional person who feels all the things of the people around her, and this time of year is so tricky already. 

What do you do in your seasons of waiting to find peace and contentment with the spot you're in, rather than chasing the next exciting opportunity or event?