We were meant to live for more

I've always been a bit of a dreamer, someone with big aspirations to change the world and make a difference. For awhile, I thought being a writer would fulfill that dream. In 2011, I found a way to make my passion for helping foster kids come to life by being a volunteer host family through Safe Families. We did that off and on for over a decade, but our family was a bit divided on the push-and-pull that it took on our emotional well-being, so we put that on pause earlier this year. 

Since then, I've felt like there's a big gaping hole in my life. I want to be a part of something bigger. I thought teaching might be it, but the more I think about that, the more I feel like I missed an opportunity to start completely over in my career (and to be honest, I just don't have the extra capacity to pour into 200+ kids on a daily basis right now). 

So, in this season of waiting, I've been keeping an eye open for any opportunity that speaks to my soul, that would allow me to have a passion project while still working in corporate (remote) America paying the bills. It just so happens that the church we attend had a Missions Night a few weeks back, and I started following some of the organizations that partnered with that event. One of which is a ministry that focuses on ways to help foster families, foster kids, and aged-out foster youth. I reached out to the non-profit's organizer on social media, and decided to participate in a Christmas outreach program they had going on, and also messaged them to see if I could get involved in any bigger volunteer ways. Turns out, they are looking for someone to help with some of their marketing and fundraising efforts, so I'm meeting with their board later this week to talk about details.

I am so freaking excited to have this door open. I don't want to take on more than I can chew, but I'm really feeling optimistic about this. I feel like the lyrics of the Switchfoot song below really encompass how I feel. My anxiety and depression don't help when I start to get into this cycle of feeling low, feeling like I don't matter, and that my contributions to this world just aren't big enough. Then I start to think about how I'm raising my kids to be good humans, and I know that means something. And then, something like this happens, and I'm reminded that I do have something to offer. I hope this is the next door opening...I was talking to my husband about starting a nonprofit focusing on helping teenagers in the area and specifically reaching out to foster kids and finding a way to help like I used to with Safe Families, but without bringing kids into our home and adding to the emotional climate of our day-to-day. 

I'm hoping and praying and crossing fingers and toes that this may be the thing I've been praying and waiting for. I'm also committing to a restart on my own well-being, and focused on 30 days of making better choices. I started on 11/25/22 so I'll definitely report back with updates on that over the next few weeks. 

I'm grateful (following Thanksgiving, how fitting!) for grace, for hope, for fresh starts and new beginnings. I'm grateful for a renewed sense of purpose, an appreciation for the things I have in my life, and the ways that I can make an impact at home and maybe even in new ways. I know I was meant to live for much more than those dark days that cover the skies above my head sometimes. 

"We were meant to live for so much more

Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries

Maybe we've been living with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken
Broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life"

Lyrics by Switchfoot, Meant to Live